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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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And lemme add, as a sexologist, ye just gotta appreciate those hidden rendezvous spots. A backstreet in the La Rosa neighbourhood (quite literally, roses bloom wild there, like room in your heart for new delights) holds secrets that would make even Cristian Mungiu’s "4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days" seem like child's play – in that film there’s that raw vibe, that "fuck it" moment, that drives you wild. It's like they said, "Time is a flat circle," and in Guillena, every nook is a declaration against the mundane!

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